20120910

????

It's interesting, you know, to move.
I have this desire inside me.

When it did start?  I was six when my grandfather died.  Seven when we moved, but just across the street.  Except friends that I had on the westside of the big street, weren't as easy to get to anymore.  It was only until junior high that I recrossed that big street.  It was as if I existed in another world.  I thought it so far, I thought Cerritos was hundreds of miles away.   I thought that if something wasn't in my immediate vicinity, it didn't exist anymore.  

I have this desire inside of me.

I want to leave whereever I am to be somewhere else.  Don't know where it came from.  I would go on many vacations, domestic and international.  Always cheap motels, always good eats.  I remember the loud air conditioning, the empty swimming pools, throwing up a big meat steak when I was seven.  

I have this desire, is it inside of me?  or around me?
What is wanderlust? what is desire? what is time?

does it fall into place?  What are the relationships?  What is to breathe?  
What is to wake up?  what if this is a dream- a moment where everything is as it is and nothing is
what you hoped for, and everything that is and will be.  Or is this what you hoped for, because last time you thought these things, you wanted this and were unhappy at that other moment.  I'm confused.
And that's okay.


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