20090408

meltface

i feel frusterated.

i just want to go to print.

i ran out of black ink.

i want to escape.

i want to spend time with alex.

i wish we were closer.

i wish, i wish, i wish.

yet, back here, i'm going to sleep before 9 tonight.

a poem:
--uneasy rest--anxiety of expectations pounding at my head, throbbing my temples until my eyes start to bleed. why can't i just let go, why they got to always take control, why do i care? why can't i just go about my day, and let what happens happens, and just take it easy, and take it slow, and let go. they say all these things that make me feel so small, that make me feel the regret of not doing this, and not doing that, yet when i look at my life, i have few regrets, and fewer moments where i left that it was out of control. perhaps i am just in a moment of uncertainty, of not understanding yet again why my location and vocation has shifted again. what lesson now? i am getting tired of life throwing curve balls at me, and me, having left my glove at home, having to dodge them so not to get hit in the face. yet if i stood tall and firm and unmoving, the ball would go wizz! straight to my face, and smack, a black eye. so for now, i'll sleep, because the balls keep flying, and i keep trying to hit the ball, instead of dodging or getting hit in the face.

2 comments:

Azazel said...

Si, My teacher send it in 2 the magazine and then they mailed me a check, I was like Helll yeah haha.

theFourthie said...

if you ever get a chance, read dave eggers' a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. creative nonfiction recounting his life after both his parents die suddenly, as he is left to care for his younger bro (who is 13 yrs younger) and also follows him on his struggle to get his independent zine up. the frustrations and philosophical struggles he goes through is comically true and i think you'd vibe w/them. :) gee golly that was long!