cut me a new path

Who knows what I wanted to be when I "grew up". When I was in 5th grade, I wanted to be a professional ice skater, just like Kristy Yamaguchi and Michelle Kwan. Since then my career choices changed as frequently as my hair color. Perhaps I swung from college to Atlanta, stretching out the time between the inevitability of making a decision and having the freedom to just live life. I felt unprepared to be launched back into the hometown, with a useless, but interesting, major, and experiences hidden underneath a face that didn't change despite the 5 years absent. Mom always tells me that I put the pressure on myself.

I was sitting in a tea shop, feeling a little low and watching the clock for my cashier shift at the market. I cracked open Maya Angelou's 'Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now', and found this quote that has changed my attitude on life.

"Each of us has the right and the responsibility to assess the roads which lie ahead, and those over which we have traveled, and if the future road looms ominous or unpromising, and the roads back uninviting, then we need to gather out resolve and, carrying only the necessary baggage, step off the road into another direction. If the new choice is also unpalatable, without embarrassment, we must be ready to change that as well."

See, for me, I have a hard time dealing with living here in Gardena now. I just never saw it as a place where I could blossom. I never felt the freedom to be myself. Yet I felt that I needed to move back here and try living here as a young adult. I see everything with different eyes now. I chose to work at a location that places me in the middle of Gardena, smack dab in the middle of everything that I love and hate simultaneously. I always heard that if you have a problem with something, move closer to it. So, I did. Now 35 hours of my week are spent inside a grocery store that shaped most of my food consumption in my formative years.

I feel freer though. I know I'm confronting another wall in my life, and it brings me yet a step closer to figuring myself out.

1 comment:

theFourthie said...

thanks for the postcard--it was underneath junk mail for a couple days so i didnt see it until now...

this is the kind of free-spiritedness that i envy, to be inspired or re-directed by things i see or read. but alas, i dwell and am stuck until...you slap me. haha.

happy new years ann and cheers to another year of mochi making w/family.